Category: Couples & Relationships
Couples therapy and interpersonal relations
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Being Heard: The Importance of Personal Presence
Three truths about being heard First, there are few things that make more difference to us than the sincere interest, attention, and concern that others provide at moments when we really need to be heard. This is true at home, with friends, and at work, especially with our boss. Second, they are unique moments in Read more
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A Couples Competency: Being Friends
A common problem couples in therapy is the difficulty of deescalating conflict. They often “trigger” each other and then, confessing that they’re both be too “stubborn” to let go of righteous anger, the fighting continues until they walk away angry, after saying things they later regret. I don’t work with couples where there’s been physical Read more
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Assertiveness as Authenticity: Believing in Yourself
Assertiveness can be confused with other, neighboring attitudes and behaviors with good reason, since it is often used to signify an expression of agency as do words like advocate or declare. And some may use it to convey a forceful tone, behavior that is not only direct but blunt and confrontational. When it is used Read more
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What We Owe to One Another When Expressing Our Feelings
I hear few complaints more frequently from couples than those concerning the expression of feelings. Yes, it’s often a male partner who seems incapable of either expressing or appreciating emotional meaning. But the truth is, many women are similarly less fluent in the expression of feelings. Indeed, fluency in the expression of emotional meaning is, Read more
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Couples Therapy: Between Sessions
Couples usually seek and start therapy because they have not been able to resolve their problems on their own. Their failures are almost never caused by a lack of intellectual ability. In fact, since my work has mostly been with the professional segment of our society, they are usually accomplished professionals. But success in career Read more
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Couples Therapy: A Four-Part Series
Part One Most people pursue couples therapy only after repeated tries to resolve their problems on their own. Understandably, frustration grows with each failed attempt at resolution, and repetition of maladaptive exchanges breeds chronicity. Attitudes and defenses harden, growing resentment closes off pathways to adaptive change. Conflict escalates as fear suppresses the risk-taking required for Read more